Couples

One of my greatest joys is helping life partners grow into deeper, more fulfilling relationships with each other, rekindle their flame of connection, and find ways forward out of seemingly stuck and impossible situations. Perhaps you started out seeing eye to eye but as life has progressed and become more complicated the moments you feel truly in touch with the parts of each other that made you fall in love have become fewer and further between. You may even wonder if the other person you committed to sharing your life journey with has changed beyond your ability to rekindle that flame. For some it may be more about anger and logger heads: you just can’t get past certain seemingly fundamental thing about how the other person “just is.” Every time one of these issues comes up you brace yourself for another argument.

Healthy relationships requires a balance of finding the right “distance” and fostering the right amount of connectedness. (This comes from my teacher Ann Weiser Cornell.) What is distance? Try pressing your nose against the mirror and then describing your face to me. Now imagine you are standing 100 yards from the same mirror. Can you tell me what you look like in there now? Of course not. Our ability to see ourselves and each other clearly requires finding the right distance: a combination of independence and interdependence. When we become too enmeshed in the other person’s process we lose sight of ourselves and cannot see the relationship clearly. When we become too distant from one another we see an equally distorted version of our partner and can no longer maintain a sense of connection.

Communication skills, embodied listening, and empathic presence are the core of our work together.  I will use Focusing oriented therapy combined with empathic listening and other modalities to help you and your partner find the balance that naturally unfolds into a healthier, happier relationship with each other.